flag-bearer
part three of my coming out story
Click the button below for the second part of my coming out story.
A friend asked if I wanted to march in Washington, D.C.’s pride parade with his church this past summer. I was open to the idea, but being self-conscious and anxious as ever, I told him I had to think on it. What if there were people there who wore or shouted things I didn’t want to be associated with? What if I was somehow in the news with a header photo of an article or captured in a highlight reel?
In retrospect, I realize my hesitations were similar to how I felt about easing myself into the furry community. My concerns weren’t so much about them but my own reputation — how they would make me look. Jesus didn’t seem to care about this when he hung out with the despised and marginalized. Jesus also didn’t show disdain or scrutiny toward anyone who had sinned, but sees where their heart is and gives them the benefit of the doubt where others would not. This is why I lament over the misinterpretation of some verses that involve staying away from sin and sinful people, which have done great harm to the witness of Christians being in the world; they so often only associate with and help their own. But Jesus isn’t as impressed with that. He did say that’s wonderful, too — don’t get me wrong. It’s just half the picture. Jesus has shown his people how they are to receive everyone; he has shown the way for how to live.
I shed my misgivings and marched in that pride parade. I made a sign to hold up. I bought an asexual flag to drape over my shoulders. By the end of it, my face ached, my voice faltered, and my arms hurt after two hours of continuous smiling, shouting, and holding up my claim on life to the world — and what it could mean for others. My sign declared how I concluded my Sojourners feature article: asexual liberation means liberation for all. And liberation for LGBT people as a whole also means liberation for all.
Since I’ve shifted in my views with affirming theology, I’ve spoken with a fair amount of people about how it has changed my life and faith for the better. On separate occasions, I’ve been told that I’m immeasurably energetic and passionate when I get on those topics. Remember, I’m known for being introverted and laidback, so these unexpected, impartial observations were confirmations of something Christian minister Howard Thurman allegedly said: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”
I’ve had a heart born anew for most of my life, and yet it has lain dormant and locked in a closet all the while. That’s why my personal mantra moving forward is to take my life back for God and myself. Thurman echoes the importance of this in his book Jesus and the Disinherited: “[Jesus] recognized with authentic realism that anyone who permits another to determine the quality of his inner life gives into the hands of the other the keys to his destiny.” When one lives fully with and through Christ, life couldn’t be any better.
For too long, I have feared mankind. I have not put my trust in God for answering the callings he’s placed in my heart. No longer. Silence and apathy mean death, but advocating for people like myself means my relationships with people will change. I’m opening the door wider to judgment, even hatred. My faith will be questioned and attacked by some — no matter what stories I tell or reasons I give. I will struggle to find a church where my pro-LGBT views and belief in a crucified, resurrected God are seen as untenable. Nevertheless, let come what God wills. I am here to lay myself bare to the world, and to bear all the freedoms and burdens that come with my new trajectory where my full self fully serves Christ and his image bearers.
What does that look like?
Military metaphors applied to faith are hardly my favorite, but at least the title of this post refers to something non-violent. Flag-bearers are soldiers who hold up their country’s or regiment’s flag to keep units together and the overall morale of troops up. You only see them in honorific roles now, and I think they relate to LGBT Christians in spirit. Whether they find themselves bearing or guarding the flags of their community, they aim to rally Christians and LGBT people together to show how both can and should unite. I aim to do the same.
I will be more vocal about political causes and my theological convictions that concern LGBT people’s rights and humanity. I am deeply passionate about their inclusion in the church and helping other LGBT Christians realize that they don’t need to repress their sexual orientation or gender identity to be a Jesus follower. Both can be brought under the guidance of Jesus as attributes to steward, not flaws to mortify. Christians have indeed buried their old selves and their fleshly desires in identifying with the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ, but this doesn’t mean that their entire selves and very flesh are left behind in faith; rather, they are redeemed — folded into and molded by the life and virtues of Jesus. They are leaving sin behind. That is, they are renouncing anything that doesn’t love, honor, or dignify themselves, their neighbors, or God. To give the self precedence over (and at the expense of) others is where sin arises.
“God said so” is not good enough for me because it’s often loaded with presumptions about Christians’ approach to and interpretation of the Bible. We can see the moral logic in many of God’s commands for today and for their times, including Paul’s list of vices where he includes what translators label “homosexuality,” “homosexual offenders,” homosexual practitioners” — you name it. However, the kind of homosexuality I see as gay marriage is far removed from and quite foreign to what I believe Paul would’ve commonly addressed in his context. I’m aware of evidence to the contrary, but I often find it unrealistically generalized and overenthusiastically cherry-picked. Even so, I have seen so much lifegiving and sanctifying beauty come out of these unions over the years, which is why I’ve never been able to morally intuit the sin in them outside of willfully obstinate proof-texting on my end. These relationships are atypical, yes! But “weird” or “unnatural” isn’t an inherently moral claim. Because, if that were so, Christianity in itself — and the lives it tells people to lead — are profoundly and arrestingly antithetical to how nature and our own natures can obscure what God desires for his upside-down kingdom.
When it comes to public and private correspondence about all this stuff, my norm will be to engage as I’m able. I cannot guarantee responses to everyone, as it’s not my job to educate everyone. However, I will give priority to people who seek me out in good faith and grace. This was essential to my own journey of crossing bridges because others helped build them. I hope to embody this posture where I can, whether one winds up agreeing or disagreeing with me.
As a tangible act on my convictions, I’m joining the Bakos Project, which is “a theologically orthodox and affirming organization” where LGBT Christians receive mentoring and leadership opportunities to be a “positive witness and example of Christ-like service in our world.” I am also aiming to become an ambassador for The Reformation Project so I can talk with other LGBT Christians about their personal journeys and questions about affirming theology. I will be attending more LGBT Christian conferences, as well as continuing my studies of affirming and traditional views alike. With all of the research I’ve already done and aspire to, I’m even thinking about creating more articles or video content that delve into books or how I look at biblical passages dealing with sexual ethics and same-sex activity. We’ll see.
I’m also longing to join a church. I’ve been in and out of Southern Baptist Convention churches my whole life, but I’m currently reassessing what tradition and community would suit me in my eclectic beliefs. Do I belong in a CRC or RCA church? Wesleyan? Mennonite or Anglican? I don’t know, but it’s an exciting time of exploration and connecting with other faith communities.
Lastly, it goes without saying that I’m also opening myself to pursuing relationships with guys. I don’t think I need to say much about that, other than we’ll see how that goes! But what I will say is this: For however long I’m called to singleness or partnership, I will live into either as the Lord wills in his timing and providence.
Thank you for reading my story. I’ll see y’all around.
It’s taken several days, but I now stand before a small home of my own. The large and misshapen stone of my tower has been chiseled into neat bricks. Wood has been repurposed — cut and sanded into new framing, floorboards, and cabinets. A wide door and several windows fully luminate the interior. Debris has been cleared away in the surrounding lawn with fresh, rich soil ready to grow new grass and flowers.
No longer do I look down on and sequester myself from the world. Rather, my abode is simple and open now, ready to house old acquaintances and new friends alike as they come and go. And this wouldn’t have been possible without the full strength and ingenuity of dozens helping in this endeavor. All from a community I had never imagined possible, let alone one that regarded me as family before I knew anyone among them.
I smile despite the nervous energy in my stomach. There’s so much to do. So many to meet. My world had fallen apart, but really … it had never been destroyed. It just needed putting back together. It’s the same in so many ways, yet so different.
I unfurl a map that the person in white had given me after the house was finished. Even though I surveyed the land from so high up before, I’d missed so much. Maybe I’ll visit a couple other towers similar to the one I’d lived in. Perhaps I’ll attend a gathering in the nearby village to see what new people and things await me.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. For now, I’m content to wander. Whatever happens, I’m confident enough I’ll end up where I need to be.
The end.
(Sound effects for the voiceover pulled from freesound.org.)